Probably three months out of the four, at most.”“Then why the fuck didn’t you write? Email is quite easy to do you know.” Her sarcasm was cutting and obvious. She was annoyed.“Tracy, you know I like to concentrate totally on the job when I’m away. I was very busy in that final month, flying to and fro between Manilla and Johannesburg. God, that’s a dreadful journey, fifteen hours, changing at Hong Kong. Sitting about waiting for connections. It felt like I was jet lagged all the time!”“John, that’s your job. We are people. People come first! Anyway, be that as it may, It’s messed everything up for you and for others.”“Messed up?”“Yes, messed up. You’ve no idea.”“Well,” said John with a smile, “obviously I haven’t, but I’ve a feeling I’m going to be enlightened.”“For heaven’s sake, John, this is no joking matter! OK–”John winced.“Oh, grow up,” she actually snarled. “It’s only a word. Now listen, this is serious. It was clear that the group of women had been warned to keep off you as a. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay honey?’ ‘Nah, I’m fine… really.’ ‘Ok, be careful.’ I don’t know what made me do it, but I had to return to the scene of the accident. I couldn’t tell Mom my plans. She would worry too much and this was something I needed to do alone. Driving toward the destination, tears began to stream down my cheeks. I felt like I needed to return, to say goodbye to Jonathan. As I got closer I felt anxious, most likely a posttraumatic response. When I was close I pulled off the side of the road to park. My headlights shown on the white wooden cross Jonathans family put at the sight of the accident in memory of him. I flipped off my headlines, turned off the car and walked to it. The full moon illuminated the area enough for me to see. With streaks of tears on my cheeks, I touched the cross, running my fingers over his name written on it. My legs buckled and I dropped to kneel by his marker. ‘Why, Why, WHYYYYYY?’ I was sobbing so hard, I didn’t hear the person.
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